12.12.23: New Moon in Sagittarius

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Hello lovely humans,  

this newsletter has reached its full potential. Almost 100 people are receiving my thoughts on the madness called life – through an astrological lens. 

And as much as that makes my heart jump, I recognize myself shying away from sharing personal truths. But isn't that what the world needs? 

“…and what would be better than a brave Sagittarius New Moon to share my struggles?", I thought. So I rolled up my sleeves, put my insecure parts in the passenger seat and my adult self has taken over the car that drives this love letter. 

For as long as I can remember, writing has been my medicine. I have diaries from the age of 7 years where I wrote stuff that children shouldn't be thinking. I think it was always my way of trying to not lose my mind in difficult circumstances.  

So once again, I'd love to share some vulnerable and honest words with you – in a world that is so perfectly polished that it seems to break apart by its own created mask. 

SAGITTARIUS: THE SEEKER OF THE TRUTH

This phase of the Moon occurs at 20 degrees and 40 minutes of Sagittarius, affecting people born with personal planets and points at approximately 16 to 26 degrees of the Mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces) most significantly. 

Sagittarius is the 9th archetype in the zodiac. It's a mutable fire sign which means that it has a strong urge to expand and is good at adapting to changes. 

Sagittarius is a centaur – half horse, half man. He comes with a bow and arrow. Many say that his arrow is pointing to a higher truth that he's seeking.  

In the zodiac, it comes right after we've dived deep in Scorpio. Based on what we've found there, in the depths of our soul (Scorpio), Sagittarius is now ready to form his unique truth.  

So whereas in Gemini (polarity of Sagittarius) it's about gaining as much information as possible, knowing more and seeing all perspectives, Sagittarius doesn't need to know more but rather to trust in his wisdom. 

It's the archetype of intuition, hope, faith, expansion, a higher connection and belief, widening its horizons, higher education (and I'm not talking about school) and traveling (both physically and spiritually). 

The ones of you who have planets in Sagittarius, in the 9th house or strong Jupiter aspects to personal planets such as Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus or Mars will probably feel seen here. 

THE PAINFUL QUEST FOR MY OWN TRUTH 

When I was a teenager, I used to threaten my mum by saying I would move out once I turned 18. Her answer was “If you do so, I won't consider you my daughter anymore.” 

I can remember very well how I had thought carefully through the decision considering that I would sacrifice my family for freedom (big Sagittarius topic here!). So I decided to go forth and signed my first apartment lease on my 18th birthday. With a few garbage bags that I put into a shopping cart, I moved in with a friend only a few streets from my parents. 

I didn’t expect my mum to call a few weeks later and offer support. With her financial support and a well paid job, I started to study and was again, one of the few students in school who went to work after Uni – almost every day. 

And really, I thought I loved doing it. It felt so empowering, so important. What I didn’t know is that I probably had my first burnout back then. 

WE REPEAT PATTERNS UNTIL THEY'RE READY TO GO  

Jumping into December 2023, I realized that some things hardly change. Although the things I do for work now are mostly nourishing, I tend to overwhelm myself. I’m haunted by the belief of not being worthy, once I’m not delivering, performing or being productive.

For the past 4 weeks, I had visits from friends from Berlin which I truly enjoyed. They gave me a sense of belonging that I’ve been missing in my life here in Mexico. 

And of course, because I wanted to enjoy every second, my brain was going crazy. I didn’t really give myself permission to retreat and take up private space – although they invited me to do so – I just couldn’t. 

After they left, I felt depleted and exhausted. I had days where the slightest tasks overwhelmed me. Once I woke up at night with a racing heart because I had an appointment in the morning.

A few days into this state I started to feel embarrassed and angry at myself. Why don’t I function? Why am I failing? Who will take care of me if I break down? My whole life I've been taking care of myself. 

I had to cancel appointments last minute (which is very hard for me to do), move deadlines around work and retreat into my little cave. The tears started running and with every tear, I felt that I dropped back into myself again. 

Why am I telling you all this? In these weeks of exhaustion and crying rivers of tears, I’ve talked to some people who experience similar emotions – in different shades.

I’m sure that in a world of endless possibilities and sheer unbearable daily stimulation, exhaustion is a collective theme. And this New Moon in Sagittarius is a wonderful opportunity to talk about this. 

The archetype of Sagittarius calls us into our highest truth – no bullshit allowed. There is no way we can fool or trick ourselves into doing stuff we don't want to.  

And once again, I am realizing that although I've done years of work on boundaries, intimacy and relating, I'm pleasing people. Sometimes unconscious – sometimes conscious. Because the perceived fear of abandonment or even the thought of inflicting (perceived!) pain onto somebody is too big – so I rather choose to overstep myself, over and over again. 

And yet, something is different this time. I can't do it anymore. My body is rebelling. As soon as I go into “functioning mode", it sends signals and takes away my energy. And though painful, that's a good sign, I think. 

It's almost as if I've got to pay back every time I betray myself. As if there's no other way possible any more than being truthful – to myself and therefore to others. 

WHAT WOULD SAGITTARIUS ASK? 

I've been sitting these weeks with all those feelings and deeply contemplating about my truth. And you know, sometimes I don't even know what it is. Coming from a childhood where I had to adapt my truth constantly to survive, makes it hard to access it. And still, I experience moments when I know it's possible.  

We all can learn to be truthful to ourselves and only by doing that, we can create healthy, loving and intimate relationships. 

So the New Moon in Sagittarius would ask you today: 

• How do you access your truth?

• How do you make space to connect to your Higher Self?  

• When do you know that you're trading your truth for approval, pleasing or avoiding conflict? 

• In what areas of your life do you deny your truth?

• Is your body sending signals that you're denying or avoiding? 

• What little action can you do today in order to sink deeper into your truth?

WHAT'S MEANS A GOOD LIFE TO YOU? 

Someone recently asked me what living a good life means to me. And I had to think for some time. And then I knew it: It's a life in deep connection and commitment to my truth. A life with meaning, a life in integrity with the big WHY.  
Do you hear the Sagittarius archetype? Sagittarius knows that meaning can never be accessed by “more” but rather by “less”. By sitting in silence with ourselves, connecting to a higher power and looking with faith into the future , expanding into the most aligned version of ourselves.

 Mercury goes into retrograde once again tomorrow, so here's another invitation to connect with the inside rather than the outside by the end of this year. 

Some time ago, I cried over some words from a newsletter written by Ruby May (highly recommended!). She wrote: 

„I heard Charles Einstein say recently that depression and anxiety are a form of protest. They are symptoms manifested by our bodies and psyches, protesting the ways we are living and the systems that govern this. (…) The Yin is choosing to sit a feel our pain, and having to dismantle the inner voice that tells us we shouldn’t feel this way. It’s choosing to slow down and stop distracting ourselves enough so we can feel, and remembering that the pain is not a „mistake“ but has an intelligence and a message in it.“

OVERWHELM: A COLLECTIVE TOPIC AT THE MOMENT

I know that feelings of overwhelm are a common topic right now and I want to speak to the brave souls who decided not to numb themselves with drugs, food, social media, shopping or food. 

I'm saying this, being aware of the square that Neptune (the planet of illusion, addiction and chaos) does with this New Moon. I also know that in its highest potential, Neptune can facilitate a way to heal and connect us even deeper to the invisible realms. 

To the ones who allow themselves to feel as overwhelmed as I do by the end of this year: I’ve certainly learned that the darkest nights bring the biggest wisdom to light, and that there’s always harvest in pain. That it brings us closer to our WHY, says Sagittarius. 

Even though it doesn’t feel like it most of the time. That’s the nature of pain, it often brings us into a state of survival, including hopelessness and despair. And please, let's start to allow those feelings and embrace them as much as the joy. 

I'm more sure than I ever was of one thing: There is something that no human will ever be able to escape, and that's pain. Everyone I know, is suffering in their own way in this human life – even if they don't share that or their social media profile seems perfect.   

The only thing that can save us, is the ability to surrender to the process and embrace all of our parts rather than being in resistance with them, rather than it wanting to be different. Easier said than done. 

To give ourselves a big hug and allow to melt like honey into nothingness – or into brokenness. 

With this New Moon the alchemical motto comes into my mind written by Kim Krans that I have kept close to my heart since I moved to Mexico: „One door opens the next and more will be revealed.“ That's everything I need to know by now. The rest is up to my trust in life. 

Not falling for the trap of the mind (Gemini polarity) but deeply trusting (Sagittarius) the process and what it will make us learn about ourselves. „That’s true faith“, Sagittarius would say.

So, as I’m writing this, I'm coming back once again from the underworld of my own shadows, peeling painfully the skins that don’t serve anymore and learning how to meet this life humbly in all its facets and live in alignment with my sacred WHY. 

Wherever you might be in your own process, I hope one day we can have a good laugh about the madness of this human life.    

With hope,

Karina 

*Header taken from GIPHY.com